Hungry? Try this: Cheddar Chicken Chowder. It’s delicious. Creamy. Filling. And definitely NOT for the calorically faint of heart. And, sort of not exactly in keeping with what’s posted below. Do as you will, not as I say.
You guys I think I’m going to black out right here and let the expanded metal outdoor table press designs into my fleshy face. I just spent the last 2 hours typing up this thoughtful and profound post about how I was going to cease the abuse of self and open up to motivation both constructive and purposeful. Except then my browser just decided, “Heh. Eff you.” and my entire post was lost. The. WHOLE. THING. Even that really cool part where I quoted Herman Melville all in context, for crying out loud. I don’t have another two hours to dredge that giant pile of awesome back out of my brain, so I’ll give you the Cliff Notes. With turtle pictures.
1) I’m going to focus in on the important bits of my goal scheme, namely the eating and exercising portions. Then I’m going to shoot an ever-loving bazooka of motivation at those goals and see what happens.
2) I’m going to quit with this whole “tomorrow I’ll get after it” vomitous lie I’ve told myself every day since January 1, 2014. Since I’m not living in the musical Annie, and even though tomorrow is only a day away it’ll never be tomorrow if I keep using tomorrow as a scape goat. Tomorrow is today, ya dig?
3) I’m going to aggressively defend and protect my goals and my plans to achieve those goals. That may mean that laundry gets done over the course of three days instead of a single afternoon, or that we eat left overs more often than before, or that the kitchen doesn’t get cleaned every night (gasp! THE HORROR!).
4) I’m going to stop eating crap foods as of RIGHT THIS FRIGGIN’ SECOND! Crap foods aren’t helping me accomplish crap. I want protein and vegetables, STAT! And water. Water would be nice, too.
5) I’m not going to let my changing blood chemistry over the next few weeks overly impact those around me. I’m going to try to stay cognizant that working out the sugars, caffeine and other garbage from my body will probably result in a roller coaster called The Terrifying Emotional Doom BatShit Ride that everyone rides blind folded, backwards, and upside down. It’s my job to maintain enough self control to not snap the heads off my friends and family and pour rivers of acidic vitriol down their gaping neck holes. No. I commit to being as nice as circumstances will permit.
6) I will not try to escape the confines of my goals, especially using the excuses of “I’m on vacation” or “Gotta enjoy life every one in a while” or “YOU CAN’T OUT RUN ME, FAT KID! GIMME THAT CAKE!” For me, cheat days turn into cheat months. Or cheat half years. Clearly, it’s been demonstrated that I cannot cheat because cheat becomes a way of life. I need my way of life to be different. Y’know. Less cheat-y.
So there it is. My motivation has been in a deficit for long enough. I’m losing my gains, and gaining blobby blobs of blob which is the inverse of what anyone wants during pool season. If my plan is to fit into single digit pant sizes by the time I’m 40 I’d better shake the lead out and get moving. Good Crossfit+ Good Food + Good Love + Good Friends + Good Laughs = Happy George.